Friday, 30 May 2008

The First Night

I finally have a day where I have no errands, no up-coming recitals to practise for, no work, no hassle, no nothing ... I am going to put my feet up, watch movies and catch up on blogging and eat ice-cream.

So this post is going back to the beginning to start with my very first client, an entire month ago ...

I had written a post here about my first booking which unfortunately didn't come to fruition, and after a while of reading silence from my inbox, I was feeling slightly apprehensive that maybe I was going about doing something the wrong way, or perhaps the blogging wasn't acceptable to those who knew about it, or any number of things.

But later, in the first week or so of april, I had an enquiry by a gentleman from France, who was coming to London on business. We spoke by email and on the phone and got on so well that by the time I met with him, it was as though I was meeting up for dinner with an old friend! I was very surprised that my first rendezvous would be so much more easy to approach then I had imagined - the fates must have been smiling down upon me to have brought me such a lovely, easy-going gentleman as my first client, with whom I could have animated, intelligent conversation over drinks with and take a stroll around looking at the beautiful London architecture, without a single awkward silence or uncomfortable feeling, right throughout the night.

We spent a really enjoyable weekend and, now that the post-encounter glow has passed, I am content that my choice to enter this world has been a good one. Perhaps I was lucky to find such a client, especially to begin with, or maybe it is only validation that my selection/screening process works well. Whichever it is, I am pleased and look forwad to seeing him again!

Despite what had been suggested to me by some, I don't feel used, ashamed, degraded, or guilty for my actions, I simply feel assured and aglow. The pleasure of the rendezvous was entirely mutual and, as I don't wish to air the dirty details, suffice it to say that we are still in touch and he has already re-booked!

Lily x

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

Sugasm #132

Bali Hai-HNT courtesy of Blue-eyed Vixen.

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #133? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
“The Church would have you believe that abstinence should be sufficient.”
“Despite my outward appearance, I still felt sexy as hell knowing what was underneath those misleading garments.”
“At the Dee & Apollo household, it’s early on Day 10 of the May Masturbation Challenge. ”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
(one from the vaults)

Editor’s Choice

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Friday, 9 May 2008

Art Personified

I have been so busy this whole month and I’m having trouble getting out the posts that I want to. But today I was watching
Miami Ink and it reminded me how much I have been wanting a tattoo for the last couple of years ~ I wanted to share that with you.

I have always wanted something that was an expression of myself, but I wouldn't want anything that could get in the way of my life or stop me reaching goals because of how people might judge me. Nothing is going to stop me doing something I want to do though, and myself, I wouldn't want anything that is intrusive on my body, just a piece of art that is personal to me.

I never used to be that into tattoos, I'm not terribly keen on full sleeve works or whole body pieces, but then again, I have seen 2 or 3 that took my breath away by their beauty ~ I do like works of art, and often that is what tattoos are ... when I started seeing tattoos that looked like that, I realised that they don't have to be brash, agressive marks and that for many people, they actually mean someting and can be truly beautiful - that is the type of art I would like on my skin; something meaningful to me ~ an outward mark of my inward self.

I was always aware that tattooists are very good artists, but watching Miami Ink has really impressed upon me the fact that they truly are graphic artists, fine artists, graffiti artists, modern artists, everything spun into one personable ball of talent, skill and artistic ability.

I have pretty much decided which tattoos I would like and where, which has been part of why it has taken me so long to decide to have a tattoo - I am so indecisive and I have so many ideas for tattoos and where each of them could go that I couldn't settle on which would be right for me, after all ... it is going to be there for ever! Now I know that I would like a little musical phrase/notes just below my left ankle, a hebrew word across the nape of my neck that symbolises my true self and my beliefs, and a similar, smaller version of the photo at the top of this post on my right foot.

I have to admit, I am slightly afraid of the pain and I'm guessing that, closer to the time, I will be very nervous as really, there is a needle going into your skin, repeatedly , at high speed - can that ever be pleasant?! We will just have to see!

It may take a little while to get all 3 done, as I will get them done at different times, after each has healed. But I will be sure to show you the pictures of them once they are complete (if you would like).

Lily x

PS: What do my readers think about tattoos? Do you find them intrusive on a lovely body, or distasteful? Or do you like that they are an expression of that person's self and of their personality? Do any of you have one (or more!)? and if so, does it symbolise anything for you? Or for those of you who don't have any art on your body, what would you have if you would get one?

Thursday, 1 May 2008

Music Therapy

My piano teacher today told me that I am too tense. In my shoulders, my back, my arms; my whole body has tensed up and it is affecting my playing. She asked if I am stressed about anything and I explained that I feel pressure when preparing pieces for a performance, but this is not really entirely true - I just didn't have a solid reason to give her ...

So what am I tense about? The fact that I am on edge everytime I hear that my irresposible, irrational, highly volatile little sister has gone out driving in a temper now that she's passed her test? That each time my parents draw one fight closer to finally separating they call me up to martial me into taking one of their sides, when they know I refuse to get involved? The unfortunate fact that my recent move to live closer to my family for the first time in my life is actually more difficult than never seeing them at all?!

No, I think in truth, the reason for my tension is that I feel, since moving to the UK, that my life has become empty. Lacking in activity and excitement and, to some extent, emotion. I was always the one who was out every night at a different ballet, art exhibition, gallery evening, theatre performance, bellydancing class, burlesque show, piano concert, friends' gatherings, dinners, restless walks around the lamplit city parks at 1 in the morning musing idly on our lives or just noting unusual artistry on the side of moonlit buildings. I have become too busy with work and concert preparation, errands and family commitments, to busy just skating through everyday life to make time for the joys I used to make time for. My vision shifted imperceptably at some point from "indulge in the joy life brings and live life like there is now tomorrow, work and chores will fit themselves in somehow", to "put in the effort and persevere to achieve your goals and pleasure will come to you soon". I don't remember where this happened and I am not at all happy that it is how I am living at the moment - For want of a better image, I seem to be waiting to eat the cake once I have baked it perfectly and left it to cool, whereas before I would have eaten most of the mixture before the cake got into the tin, which meant I had to make a few little fairy cakes instead and decorate them divinely to divert attention from the fact that they are not exactly what they were supposed to be. (This is actually truly how I bake, except when it's someone's birthday, in which case I can whip up a delightfully creamy triple chocolate gateau without getting my mouth too sticky!) But my original method is an infinitely more delicious way to go about things.

I know there is surely a balance, a middle road that allows me to bake a complete cake and eat some of the mixture along the way, I just need to will myself the discipline, because usually, once I've stuck my finger in once, and savoured that saccarine liquid on my tongue, there's no restraining me.

But I definitely need to regain my sense of self and my lust for life that seems to be escaping me at the moment. Perhaps I should take a day out from the mundane and do something exciting like zorbing, or even skydiving. That would wake me out of my rut and I've always wanted to do it.

My piano teacher's somewhat tamer prescription is that I need a serious massage and to start doing yoga.